I Never Knew
by smiles2go
Summary: These are Hatter's thoughts as he stands outside Alice's door, trying to get the courage to press the buzzer. Things he wants to tell her.


_AN: These are Hatter's thoughts as he stands outside Alice's door, trying to get the courage to press the buzzer. Things he wants to tell her. Again, in no particular order._

**I Never Knew**

I never knew anyone who's eyes were the color of the lake during a storm. Eyes that shimmer with reflections of your soul. Eyes that made it impossible to lie to you. Eyes that I wanted to see me, not Jack.

I never anyone who could and would argue over the least little thing. All I had to do was suggest something and you found a thousand reasons why it was a bad idea. I don't think you listened to a word I said. I heard every word you said, Alice. Too many of them were 'Jack'.

I never knew anyone who was afraid of a silly thing like heights, yet would march right into the Casino to rescue an Oyster. Most people do anything to avoid having to see the Queen, yet you went out of your way to let March take you right to her.

I never knew anyone who stood by their friends, their convictions like you do. No matter what I said about Jack, you had an explanation. You trusted him over logic and reason, going by pure loyalty alone. I want someone to love me like that. I want you to love me like that.

I never knew anyone who trusted so easily and yet not at all. You trusted me to take my hand and walk on the ledge and to get on the Flamingo, things that terrified you. Yet you refused to trust that I wasn't after the ring, something that I never even tried to take from you. And I could've Alice. You know I could've.

I never knew I'd put someone else's safety so far above mine that I'd step in front of Dodo holding a gun. He's just as crazy as the Queen. I knew he'd shoot. The body armor only covers so much. I'd 've laughed if you told me I'd do that last week. Hell, stood between you and Owl and Duck, between you and I dunno how many Suits. I've never cared enough about anyone to risk anything, let alone my life. Especially for a girl.

I never knew anyone who'd come back and pull me out of the fire. Even the other guys in the Resistance woulda pushed the blue button and been gone in a heartbeat, glad of the head start. I still don't understand why, after I'd tried to sell the ring to Dodo. Why you'd do that Alice? Why'd you save me?

I never knew Ratty would bring me my dreams, all wrapped up in a pretty girl in a very wet dress. I wanted you from the second I turned around and saw you. You turned my life upside down and I gave up everything without a backward glance to follow you. I don't regret it either. Not one minute. Not one thing.

I never knew there was a girl I could want more than a little while. More than life. Oh Alice, there's things I want to do to you…things to make you sigh and moan and whimper and beg. And then I want to do them all over again.

I never knew I could punch out the Jabberwock. Blimey, I chased it down instead of running away like any sane person. You gave me courage I never had before. Who'd believe I'd offer myself as bait? I thought my heart'd stopped when I turned around and you weren't behind me. Ran faster than I thought possible to catch the monster, terrified I'd find him chomping your bones. I couldn't breathe Alice.

I never knew I could be so scared, so often for one little Oyster. Dodo would've shot you without a second thought. The Jabberwock would've eaten you in seconds. The Queen would've executed you for entertainment. Dee and Dum would've let you fall in the pit just to hear you scream. Aces shot the Flamingo we were on into the lake and we almost drowned. When we got out all you wanted to do was argue about Jack. Everyone was shooting at you. And then you stepped out and took down the Queen, using words to make her turn over the ring, not ten minutes after your father died in your arms.

I never knew loving someone could hurt so much. I stepped aside and let Jack take you away, take you to get your father and then go home, because I thought he had a plan. Knew he didn't want me anywhere near you once he saw you almost kiss me. It hurt a lot when you didn't defend me …_just a friend_? Why didn't you say something? He wouldn't even look at me. I stood there and let him take you. Of course I took one of Charlie's horses and followed you. I couldn't trust him to take care of you and I was right. You were captured almost immediately. I can take care of you Alice. I can.

I never knew a heart could burst. I warned them all, everyone that took a bottle of Tea, but I never really believed it could happen. And then you hugged me and I knew. You were in my arms, pressed tight against me and I never wanted to let you go. You turn me to mush Alice. You said you trusted me, trusted me completely. I know that's a big thing for you. Well, it's a big thing for me too. You don't just trust anybody in Wonderland. You don't know who's friend or foe.

I never knew an 'almost' kiss could be so exciting. I could taste your breath on my lips, see your eyes fluttering shut, your face lifting to meet mine. You were really going to kiss me. Me. Maybe it's a good thing Jack interrupted us, I might have laid you down and taken you right there in the grass. I've had a lot of girls Alice, but none I wanted more. I'm going to kiss you Alice. Really kiss you this time.

I never knew the word 'Jack' could be used as a swear word.

I never knew what my life looked like till I saw it through your eyes and was ashamed. I'd drifted along, doing as little as possible. It wasn't easy to run the Tea Shop, but it was an easy life. I had it better than most, but I never saw the cost before. I thought if I stayed and fought for the Resistance, maybe I could atone for some of what I've done.

I never knew I'd be hiding out with a crazy old Knight living in the forest and eating barbequed borogrove. I sat against that shed and listened to that old bed squeak every time you moved, afraid to go to sleep. I was right too, you were gone in the morning. You left the purple coat, Alice. The only thing I ever gave you and you just left it. Just left me.

I never knew I'd argue and argue with any girl, let alone an Oyster. When the drama starts, I just walk away. Only I can't walk away from you, all I can do is follow you. You need a lot of taking care of Alice.

I never knew it would be so hard to let you go, let you go back to your world. I never knew I could feel like this about anyone. I never have before and I never will again. Something broke inside of me when you went through that mirror, shattered into a million pieces. Only you can fix it, fix me.

I never knew I'd take on a pack of Suits and Mad March with a horse and a rusty old sword. How stupid is that. There was no chance of success and yet I couldn't stand there and watch them take you away. Couldn't stand there and watch them manhandle you, knowing they were gonna take you to the Queen with maybe a side trip to the Truth Room again. I'm sorry I didn't have a good plan. I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry they hurt you. I came as quick as I could.

I never knew I could be so scared standing outside your door. Scared to push the buzzer. Scared to find out if you remember me. Scared to find out if you're happy to see me. Scared to kiss you. Scared to tell you I love you.

_AN: This is for scubagurl22 who wanted to see something like I Never Said from Hatter's POV. Hope you like it. Please R & R._


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